Recently, I was interviewed for an on - line radio parade; the topic of discussion was awareness and retention as paths to consciousness. Here are the questions and my answers. May my answers be food for considering and acquiesce you to more sharply assent to your own life.
The first question asked me to talk about self - awareness from my perspective and why it is important. My answer: Let me start by defining awareness. It is element that has brought you to this present moment - your beliefs, emotions, feelings, and reactions to all your life experiences. Awareness includes entity you have taken in and are taking in with your five sense: sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell, as well as using your sixth sense of intuition. Much of our awareness is unconscious to us. As we study ourselves, we become more and more self - aware. This is the key to improving arrangement - making; to make choices that are in conformation with what we want to create in our lives.
Issue character two asked me to talk about mind and consciousness as paths to self - awareness. Here is my answer: Recollection comes from the Buddhist tradition and is about extraordinary attention to what is happening to us now, in the present moment. It is tuning - in to all experiences, both the good - innervation ones and the negative - perceiving ones, in procedure to feel, learn, and know what is going on within. Instead of shying away from the negative, we stay present and really experience whatever is going on, just as we do when we have fun, expansive experiences. This builds self - awareness and leads to more aware choices in the eventual.
Much of the time we aren ' t really blooming attention to what is currently happening to us, or to the people with whom we spend time. Instead, we daydream about what we will do in the planned or go over and over something in our mind that happened in the ended. We find ourselves emotionally reacting to other people or situations when they surprise or bother us, somewhat than being able to make better choices with our words, actions, and responses. When mindful, we really participate in our moment - to - moment experiences - perceiving them, enjoying them, or learning from them. Practicing mind's eye moves us in the direction of greater self - awareness, which allows us the power of choice and to get the most out of our life day to day.
Consciousness is a very expansive thing to term. One way to master consciousness is that it is the Universal Intelligence ( Infinite spirit, Universe ) in which we all live and change and have our being. It is the Source of our existence, our creativity, imagination, intuition, inner discerning, and unconditional love; and it is what responds to our thoughts, feelings, and prayers. To expand our odd consciousness makes us more and more consciously aware.
One way to build conscious awareness is to learn to look below the surface of our experiences. I ' ll use an iceberg to decorate consciousness. What is known and conscious to us relates to the part of the iceberg extreme the water. The larger part of the iceberg, however, is below the surface and unconscious to us. To improve the quality of our lives to become self - aware, it is important to go below the surface to look at our identity - personalities - the issues, patterns, resilient responses, fears, habits, and attitudes that we want to change. Looking below the surface of our problems and issues, we find causes and, thereupon, have more information available to help us change, heal, and grow.
An case history of how I grew in self - awareness by looking below the surface to possess an argument involved Girl Scout cookies. A few elderliness ago I had an agreement with myself to eat healthier foods. So that extent I chose to not buy Girl Scout cookies; however, my two teenage daughters did and kept them in their quarters. One morning one daughter and I got in a heated argument as she unsocial the house for direct. I was motility fit to be tied and had fastness in my stomach and annul; and I had no way to communicate my side of the argument at that moment. What did I do? I marched upstairs and opened a box of Thin Mints I found in one of the girls ' lodgings and began eating them until I resolved down. Of course a few minutes following I was ablaze at myself for breaking the agreement with myself to eat healthier.
I daybook - write up when I am apprehensive. With that process, what I unbolted below the surface of my awareness that day was that I had a need to not feel my wearisome feelings and wanted to quickly get back to a in order, peaceful morning as I had planned. Unfortunately, I did this by eating chocolate and sugar. I then kept writing about the locale, my feelings, what I wanted to say to my daughter, and what I wanted to do next time I got so jumpy. Conclusively, I wanted to be more mindful in the fated when these situations come up, to feel the grievous feelings and not run away from them, and to daybook - comp instead of eating cookies. This was new to me - to stop avoiding and to go into my unpleasant feelings. More insights would surface with recur journaling.
To reiterate, there are two important ways to build consciousness and stratagem us along on the path of self - awareness. One is to practice being more mindful in the moment and the second is to be more conscious of what is really going on below the surface of our experiences. Self - awareness really is the key to greater freedom and happiness.
The next matter asked me to clarify a real life " success story " position a couple made a difference in their relationship by becoming more mindful and conscious of their interactions.
One couple came to mind. Ted and Chorus started their marriage like a lot of people do - unconsciously. After a space, each was very grim about the marriage. They sought slick help which made a huge difference in their lives; and they are very readily married to this day.
Ted didn ' t have many male friends and depended upon his wife to be his " best compatriot, " girlfriend, and confidante. He was resentful that Chorus wanted to spend time with her friends; it repeatedly seemed she enjoyed herself more with friends than she did with him. Besides attribute of the footing was that Ted had a successful career but didn ' t feel totally fulfilled in his job, so he expected fulfillment to come from his marriage.
The more Ted demanded time with his wife, the more resentful she became and the more she pulled away from him emotionally. Sometimes Carol would cancel other plans to be with Ted, but only to avoid an argument and his anger. Over time, trying to please her protect created hostility in Trill.
Therapy helped this couple and they each took burden for the part they were playing in this acting once it became clear. Time was spent figuring out the cause of the wife ' s nicety and to encourage the renew to create some fulfilling things to do facade of work and home.
Carol remembered her parents ' prosaic and hostile marriage. They worked together every day and never seemed to have time apart from one extended. When she remembered her parents, Chant verbal it did not feel good to be around them as they were miserly to each other and fought a lot. As conflict grew in her own marriage, Chorus wanted space, so she would not repeat what she pragmatic her parents doing. This savvy helped Trill be more mindful that there were more options than tidily getting away from her finance. For copy, she and Ted could have honest discussions about her needs and they could learn constructive ways to resolve conflict.
Ted looked at his issues too and was confident to find more things to do with his spare time.
He learned it was satisfying to get involved with charity work and sports with other males. This enabled him to develop closer friendships with other men who reciprocal common interests. Suddenly, he wasn ' t waiting around for his wife anymore. Her respect for him grew, which caused her to want to be with him more. She no longer felt tied for Ted ' s happiness. Once both gained hep to into their diagnostic family histories and took fault for changing themselves, they grew individually and as a couple. Their growth and awareness continues today, many oldness following.
Interrogation quantity four asked my views about teaching children and boyhood these concepts before they face improvement. My answer: The most powerful way to help our children is to start with ourselves. We can only teach and model what we are, what we rest assured, and what we know. Without self - awareness and the crave to look below the surface of our issues, we repeat incompetent patterns our parents and society taught us.
Take self - esteem, for prototype, which we all know is important in healthy development. High self - esteem requires learning to have an internal sense of power or inner sense of " okayness. " It is about becoming strong within, to be less affected by what others say and do. Self - awareness is of prime importance to children and youth in learning to shift to this inner place of consciousness.
If we, as parents, talk negatively to ourselves in our own minds, we automatically talk to our children with the same language. If we talk critically to our spouse or talk negatively about her / him to others, our children congregate up on these feelings and are hurt emotionally.
To unquestionably effect our children ' s self - esteem, at any age, we need to build our own self - esteem first. We start wherever we are, and take the next step in updating our negative beliefs and self - talk. As you stop deriving and criticizing yourself, you will find your self - talk becomes more kind-hearted, loving and valuable, and that the words way out of your mouth towards others will be different. As you build your awareness through self - investigation, reading books, listening to Recording ' s of wise teachers, or going to therapy, you predicament on better thoughts and feelings to your family. One person in a family system can naturally impact the whole system. Trigger with yourself.
Next, I was asked, " Anyone that works in your field knows that we are very much influenced by our unconscious mind. What can you say about understanding and functioning with our unconscious better? "
If I had to choose one thing to help one become conversant of the unconscious, it would be to spend quality time with yourself each day. Here the creation is self - interrogatory, to know yourself at a more level through case, meditation, and fitness. Other things that build self - awareness and help you dig what is unbefitting the present are the ensuing:
1. Read a few pages each day in a self - help pull out that you find applies to your personal challenges and issues.
2. Earnings obeisance to your thoughts and feelings. Chronicle - chalk about your conflicts to acquiesce them to become more sagacious to you. Feel your feelings - noise if you need to, feel your ill and anger if you need to; allow feelings inside of you to pop in.
3. Pocket watch your dreams and daydreams. Look for patterns and messages about your issues, actions, about what you really want. If, for object, you impression about writing a abdicate ofttimes, take this as a stern break from your unconscious. If you dream about moving over and over, you may need to look at your current living spot and grant that the unconscious is nudging you in a new direction, not necessarily to movement physically, but to do something different to get unstuck emotionally.
4. Remark if you are envious of anyone. Ask yourself what they have that you want in your life. Then use them as a role model. Discover them to learn how they accomplish what you want to create.
5. Psychotherapy is a profitable way to look at yourself and your problems, to stirring beyond conditioning from the gone, and to find good solutions to life ' s dilemmas.
6. Ask people you trust to give you honest feedback about you. What do they glom as your strengths and weaknesses? Use this neatly as a consideration of some things that may be in your blind spot.
7. Elicit to acknowledge the things that are working in your life to build gratitude awareness. Make a record every day of the things you are thankful for.
Question number six asked me to put across personal power as used in my book, Enlightening Cinderella. Here is what I verbal. Personal power is about taking charge for your own life. This begins with self - study and becoming a self - aware different. It includes building a strong foundation of self - esteem and updating unavailable beliefs, attitudes, behaviors, and habits to healthy ones. The more you learn yourself, the wiser your choices and ability to solve your problems. It is not about using power over higher proper, only with yourself.
Next I was to talk about our bodies and the mind - body connection. We can learn a lot about ourselves through our body awareness. Each yearn, pain, symptom, or infection is a whole new language to learn, when we want to find out the metaphor of our symptoms. Our bodies repeat our consciousness and our unsettled emotional issues get buried within our physical bodies.
There are some very caring authors I turn to when I am ill or want to take meaning what is behind my physical issues. Louise Straw ' s book, You Can Heal Your Life and Minx Shapiro ' s book, Your Body Speaks Your Mind are very powerful resources. Your own meditations are important here too.
The final query asked me to share some personal stories on the topics discussed and relate how I have utile them to my life as a wife, mother, or able person.
I could talk about all three areas for hours. Let ' s start with my life as a mammoth. It was not until the birth of my poll daughter that I was introduced to information about self - esteem. I had a master ' s degree in counseling and I discerning I knew a lot about raising children. The whole area of emotional development and health were in my blind spot.
Fortunately life brought me new information. My supply was transferred to a job in Thibodaux, LA in 1979 and I was hired to teach student development courses at Nicholls St. University. Guess what part of the curriculum was. It was building the students ' self - esteem, so that they would do better academically.
L. S. Barksdale ' s, Building Self - Esteem, was part of the course. I learned so much that point. We stayed in Thibodaux less than a clock; however, a dear cohort I met while teaching there gave me new important book, Your Child ' s Self - Esteem by Dorothy Briggs.
I could gawk so much I needed to incorporate in my parenting and marriage. It was not a small job. However, I stayed with it and over the years I can inspect many important changes in my family. My grown children know so much more than I did in many areas: self - esteem, communicating, creating what they want, healing themselves, etc. They are passing on the good stuff I introduced to them to their kids. It was a long process, rudimental with healing myself first and then introducing ideas to my family. If I can become more aware and conscious, then I know you can too, especially with all the good information available to you on emotional intelligence.
May the ideas presented here inspire you on your personal journey of expanding awareness through recognition and consciousness.
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