STEP 1
BETRAYAL
Betrayal comes in different guises.
Different types of betrayal:
• When a partner deceives you
• When people lie to you
• When someone cheats and robs you
• When people gossip behind your back
• When children trust their parents not to hurt them
• When you are let down by someone you trusted, i. e. Source / Partner / Boss / Protect / Wife / Child / Sibling
• When you feel humiliated by someone
• When you are betrayed by your parents
• When you are betrayed by your body
• When you are betrayed by society
When your partner betrays / deceives you.
When you are betrayed by your partner, the emotions you experience are extreme. If, and when, this happens you must not accept all the blame or think that the reason this has happened is ‘ your fault. ’ It does not selfish that you are unworthy and unable to sustain a healthy relationship. It says more about your partner’ s inability to be trustworthy and honest in their thoughts and actions. However, you will issue your intuition and perception in oversight to detect that your relationship was prenomen towards a rocky path. Your interrogation your feminine texture and the perspicacity you both requited. In short you feel a fool.
If you have been betrayed and are struggling with this perception, you will experience the following emotions:
• Shock, abnegation and numbness
• Denial ( hiding away from the truth that has emerged )
• Anger and hurt
• Unhappiness and distress
• Panic and Anxiety
• Exhaustion
• Depression.
• Loss of confidence
• No self - worth
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The leading inventory is uniform to that of the grieving process you experience when someone dies.
Sample of this type of betrayal:
A sharp business woman told me that she was having an affair. Her maintain had been ill, for some considerable time, suffering from depression. His depression was due to a substantial loss of loot, when his ‘ established’ business had hit worry and been liquidated. This setting had resulted in her advance having regular counseling, in the primary healthcare setting, and also taking prescribed anti - depressants to help him deal with his plight.
This noblewoman could not accept why her support was reacting to this locale so badly, and had no patience with him over this subject. She led a very busy expert, internal and social life and was finding her retain an encumbrance. Apparently, the affair had been hackneyed some time before the business disintegrated, seeing there had been no forbearance between her and her cache for some considerable time. To be cheated on is bad enough, but to miscreant when your partner is experiencing major monetary loss and an emotional readjustment, is a double betrayal.
When people lie to you
People, repeatedly, are hardly totally honest in relationships. It’ s the law of survival. You only get told what the other person wants you to know. Details, ( buried agendas ) etc., reach private most of the time. Perceptive this will help you get the games people play in relationships. The dishonesty needn’ t be detrimental to your relationship. Sometimes the dishonesty is used to short - cut an explanation or to dissolve an argument, i. e.
Case:
Debate: What time did you get home from work tonight?
Answer: About 5. 30 p. m.
You might drop the gospel that you called in at the supermarket on your way home as this information is of no concern to your partner. Does that make you a liar?
If, however, you have something symbolic to squirrel, the same dispute answered could have consequences, i. e.
Excuse:
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Interrogation: What time did you get home from work tonight?
Answer: About 5. 30 p. m.
You deliberately avoid telling the truth, that you bumped into an decrepit flame and went for a coffee with them. In not speaking the truth you are being secretive in keeping that information from your partner. This indicates that you know that rap session up with an elderly flame would be unacceptable to your partner. It also indicates that you might be tempted to repeat the locus.
Self Esteem
The self - esteem, self confidence and self - worth that should be, naturally, yours is, temporarily, depleted during times of betrayal. It is hard to value and love yourself when someone has betrayed you. The person who has betrayed you has devalued you in the most intimate, personal way.
Self - esteem is an essential ingredient in any healthy relationship. If you respect, and like yourself, you will feel confident and able to interact with your peers. Without self - esteem you will languish away and emotionally disable yourself in the process. Self - esteem is a undependable warmth. At the ‘ drop of a hat’ it can vanish into thin air. Self - esteem begins in youth. During your virginity, the emotional, physical nurturing and learned behaviour that you experience, are absorbed and establishes patterns that are automatically stored in your memory box, ( that is your mind ). These patterns are the blueprint of your thoughts and behaviour that you will automatically link to and repeat throughout your life.
For many people, it takes oldness to achieve good self - esteem. It should be allowed to build up within you and is obtained as a backwash of achieving some measure of personal fulfillment and success. This personal success gives you a feel good factor which, in turn, makes you stately of your achievement however small that achievement might be. Even though it may take time for you to develop a good self - esteem, it can be demolished in a evade of an eye if it is undermined with constant putdowns and ridicule. Self esteem should be nurtured and allowed to remain developing.
Archetype of low self - esteem:
A guy told me that he felt obliged through he had come to discern that he had been intimidating his partner for some time. This had become apparent to him when he noticed that she was unable to answer the telephone in plight she uttered the faulty thing. When forced to answer the phone, she would delay and hand the phone over to anyone moderately than last with the conversation. He had also noticed that she was taking their eldest child with her when doing the minutes food shopping. All this had come about when a work mate was unblenching enough to confront him at work telling him to stop
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controlling, manipulating and intimidating him. This confrontation with his main squeeze forced him to think how he was being perceived by others and he recognized that he was behaving in this way with everyone he came into contact with. He felt very bad about what he had done and asked what he could do to change his ways and be more useful and encouraging of his wife.
When someone cheats and robs you
The dictionary explanation of unrightful is:
• An act of deception
• An act of quack, imposture or imposition.
Unethical characteristically is used to create an unethical advantage over someone, and regularly at the equivalent of others. There is void worse than someone unprincipled you, duping you, raiding you.
Most people would side with that they would reasonably give something away, willingly, than be cheated by someone who is prepared to get what they want at any cost.
Part: Someone I know sent away for a set of CD’ s on ‘ enlightenment. ’ On receipt the CD’ s he decided that, whilst they were excellent value for money, he would quite copy them and lead the originals back. Thereby, not successful for them and injurious the sender.
“ I realizing that sample ironic as the CD’ s explained how to attain a higher level of consciousness. ” What a Knave.
When people gossip behind your back:
If, and when, you trust someone you expect them to be unwavering in word and deed.
That trust is these days shattered if they pass on to exceeding person the stuff you have told them in confidence. We all have secrets; some secrets are larger than others. The last thing we want is for those confidences to be passed on to too many person without our consent.
Examples:
• If you happy someone for coffee and your partner finds out from bounteous person ( an innocent encounter with a cohort / partner can turn into a foul locale, if wrongly portrayed )
• If someone makes up stories about you to put you in a bad light
• If someone deliberately tells lies in order to put you down and promote themselves
• If someone repeats something you have verbal and adds more to the story
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• If someone sabotages your ideas and uses those ideas for themselves
• If you purchase an item of apparel that was beneficial and you told your partner that it was hard up in a sale. You tell a schoolmate the true cost of the garment and your schoolmate slips up and tells your partner the true cost of the item you purchased
A blackguard gives a ready ear to mischievous talk, and a liar listens to slander. " ( Prov 17: 4 Borderline ).
When children trust their parents not to hurt them
Children give unconditional love. Unconditional love is, loving without conditions limitations or reservations.
Children are innocent and have not sequentially found out the ways of the world. They have no expectations. They just are. They look to those people who care for them with axe trust and if this trust is abused then their self - esteem will be low and they will have no self - worth.
In standardization to raise a child’ s self - esteem you have to manage, timber, encourage and instigate all their efforts. It is the boundness of parents to look after them and guide their corridor to augmentation. If this nurturing is negative then the child will be unable to place any value on who they are and what they achieve in their life.
When you are let down by someone you trusted
All of us, at one progression or other, have well-informed a seat in which we have found ourselves not instinctive else person. Sometimes there is no spontaneous motive for this. It’ s just a perceiving, intuition, ravage reaction. Oftentimes we are unable to mark the pain. First impressions, in my assessment, are important and shouldn’ t be implicated lightly. Phrases like ‘ I wouldn’ t trust him / her as immersed as I could launch them, ’ frolic out in these case.
Intuition:.
Intuition is a valued tool. It can lead you to the core of a problem and manifestation you the way. Intuition is within you, you feel it in the abyss of your stomach. You can learn to recognize and develop your intuition by listening to your inner voice. With practice your intuition can be easily down pat and utlised and is a held dear tool in relationships.
What does not naive someone selfish?
• It aid that you have doubts as to their righteousness
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• It ingredient you are discombobulated peek their issues and motives
• It component you have no confidence in their ability to keep a confidence
• It will affect how you will react to them
• It plug in you will not tell that person form you are not sensitive to determine back through someone other
• It stops you being unpretentious
• You will think, twice, before you speak
• It will erode your relationship with that person
• The relationship with that person will not be meaningful
• You will be unable to grow and develop with that person
• If you have had ‘ trust issues’ previously you will be even more wary
• You will be looking for double meanings and undisclosed agendas during conversations
• Now trust is an essential element in relationships, the relationship will deprivation quality and substance
When you feel humiliated by someone
‘ Discredit is literally the act of being made timorous, or suffering in standing or prestige. However, the term has much in common with the feeling of ignomity. Humiliation is not, in general, a pleasant experience as it reduces the personality. ’
The affect being humiliated has on you is:
• Lowers your self - esteem
• Reduces the pride you have in yourself
• Made to feel inferior
• Made to feel infirm
• Knocks your individuality
• Disrepute is emotional abuse
• Being bullied
• Being intimidated
• Can have long lasting sequel on your thinkbox
When you are betrayed by your parents
Patterns of behaviour
Your design of introspection and behaviour are confessed during teens. You adopt these patterns by copying the behviour of those people succeeding to you ( role models ). If, however, you experienced the following in your own adolescence:
• Neglect ( physically and emotionally )
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• Ignored
• Isolated
• Never having praise
• Abused physically
• Abused emotionally
• Were lied to
• Trained destructiveness
Then, these difficulties, you have experienced and absorbed, have formed the foundation for your regard and behaviour patterns which will, negatively, affect your behaviour and self - esteem in upgrowth.
When you are betrayed by your body
We are living in a culture that promotes health and physical fitness. Your body image and physical appearance is important to you, and it does affect the way you are perceived by others. How betrayed do you feel when your body becomes mis - shaped, older, diseased / infected?
• Embarrassed ( spots, eye bags, hair loss )
• Shameful ( hairs growing on your chin ) etc.
• Disappointed ( skin sagging )
• Tearful
• Gloomy
• Ablaze
• Hostile
• Frightened
• Worried
• Frustrated
• Unclean
These are only some of the emotions you experience when you feel your body has let you down. This is especially so if you have always, taken pride and looked after yourself, eaten healthily, exercised ofttimes, looked after your skin, etc.
It is fairly usual to have some of these feelings about yourself and your body after being diagnosed as suffering from a severe infection.
On a more positive note, if you are, or have, experienced physical problems and / or a grim indisposition you can also feel:
• Eminent of the way your body has coped with the malady
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• Grateful for your body’ s resilience and stamina
Making the most of your good constitution and marking yourself positively will have benefits. Betrayed by Society
You may feel that society has let you down. This can happen if you are:
• Unemployed
• Privation just education
• Isolated
• Fighting for charge benefits in distribution to survive
• Worried about health - care
• In a virginity chain
• Marginalised by an unpopular, unacceptable infection ( HIV + )
You should have the circumstance of gaining suitable education and employment. If these two things are denied you then you will feel betrayed by society.
You may have experienced a long wait for an appointment to be admitted into hospital, or experienced difficulty in getting a dentist / physiotherapy, etc.
It is important that you feel cared for and valuable as a human being. It is the very essence of being accepted and prepossessing by others which forms part of the quality of your life. If this is not provided, by exterior forces ( society ) then you should take stunt and develop a way of receiving self - esteem by other methods.
EXCERPT FROM ' LIFE AFTER BETRYAL ' A PRACTICAL GUIDE
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